"I Do"

As I get older and turn the corner of my life where marriage is nearing, I sit back and wonder if it's still possible. The institute of marriage is continually questioned and I suppose it comes down to personal belief. Call me old school (and my boyfriend certainly does), but I believe that marriage is serious, it's a vow of forever commitment, and it should be constantly and openly discussed. Without the communication of marriage how else can you determine your spouse or better yet, what you want?  Certainly a big key to a successful marriage is finding someone who shares the same views as you, right? Or compliments your unpolished assets? What ever you deem important to a successful marriage, you have to learn it somewhere. For me, it was learning what NOT to do by watching the relationships around me and turning to others in the world who could tell me what TO do. Both have been valuable lessons thus far.

However, finding someone who has been married for more than 20 years has become more difficult as the years go on. Forget about married for 50 years. But, I don't let that bring me down and I am always looking for advice from the people who have been there and done it. Browsing through news sources, I came across an interview done by CBS: of couples who have been married for 50 plus years. I think Grace put it perfectly:

“There’s gotta be great chemistry between people. You have to learn how to compromise within a relationship. You gotta be able to communicate appropriately,” 85-year-old Grace Lewis told CBS News, New York earlier this year.

Compromise, understanding, listening. Theses are key elements to a healthy relationship and definitely a sustainable marriage. I recall an episode of Oprah, many years back, when a woman was interviewed for a Valentine's Day special. This woman (I have forgotten her name) had been happily married to her husband for 60-some-odd years. Impressive. When Oprah asked how she had made it work she simply replied with:

"When I married my husband I vowed to always love him. Part of this meant I would make a list of 3 things he did (to annoy me) to roll off my shoulder."

"What were these 3 things?"

"I don't remember. They change every day."

Her answer was simple and brilliant. Her biggest success came from loving him for who he was, respecting him, and like everyone else- compromising.

I understand throughout any relationship there are struggles. We deal with them everyday. With parents, friends, co-workers. But why when it comes to romantic relationship we can't seem to work things out?